14 Years of Sobriety

This is the day I truly celebrate - 14 years of sobriety. For those of you without a calculator that means I quit drinking the day after my 25th birthday. I want to explain what my alcoholism and sobriety mean to me. This is not professional advice. This does not apply to every alcoholic. I am no longer an AA member so these are not their ideas. But here goes.



Inevitably when you spend more than 30 minutes with me, I will bring up the fact that I am a recovering alcoholic. This is something that defines me - but in a good way. I'm an open personality - and for this reason I tell people about my sobriety because: 1) It keeps me accountable. The more people who know, the more people I am accountable to. 2) It defines me - for I am nothing without my sobriety. That sounds kinda ominous, but it's true. My life, my friends, my job, my passions - I wouldn't have any of this without my sobriety.



My sobriety, while something I am very open about, is personal. This is a disease, but a disease that can be put into permanent remission with constant vigilance and maintenance. I believe there is a genetic component - and I believe that this was a family genetic situation for me. But let's be clear...this is not my parent's fault. This was my choice. Behaviors are choices - and while I may not have had a lot of options when choosing - I did make choices. I'm accountable for those. No one ever held me down and poured beer down my throat (ok - they did, but beer bongs and upside-down margaritas were my idea).



However, something most people don't get - it's less about a physical addiction and more about behavior patterns. For me - it was about being numb and fear. Fear that I couldn't handle pain and a real fear that I couldn't handle success. It was about hiding from feelings...covering up what I wasn't prepared to deal with. For me, this has also manifested itself in other areas: shopping (now something I enjoy but don't have to do), being overweight (afraid no one would take me seriously as an attractive woman - the CIT I am now ;), and self sabotage...meaning that just when I was about to succeed I would somehow screw things up for myself so I could sit back and say "See - I can't be successful - you were wrong."



I've had to really work the 12 steps (and you CANNOT remain sober without them) and guess what - it's not over. Everyday there in an opportunity to put into practice at least one step that I have learned. I've reached out to other alcoholics only to see them fail. I've lost family members who ultimately died or took their lives because of this disease. And I've had people spit in my face when I tried to apologize - and lost a person really close to me because of my behaviors when drinking.



So, now let's get back to dealing with me - first of all - here's the annoying part of being an alcoholic when you mention it to someone invariably a few things happen:



1) They tell you how much they drink (I don't care - this is a decision for ME and ME ONLY)

2) They tell you how much someone else drinks (I don't care - this is a decision for ME and ME ONLY)

3) They know another practicing or recovering alcoholic and want to tell me about how much they drink/don't drink (I don't care - this is a decision for ME and ME ONLY).



It must be like being a Doctor and seeing a patient outside the office and asking them how they are doing - or working for a mobile phone company - people want a free phone, hate their service or just wanna bitch about the salesperson. If you take nothing away from this - take this - I am not judging you. My alcoholism has nothing to do with a judgement on you or anyone drinking. I really don't care how much you do/don't drink. And guess what, if you do drink too much - I can drive you home.



Here's where I'm more unusual than most - I have wine and beer in my house...there's probably some hard liquor there too...drinking is ok with me - I just don't get into drunks. And if you're clingy - that's a recipe for disaster. I do avoid food that is not cooked with alcohol in it and don't take Nyquil unless it's in the capsule form. I do, however, enjoy non-alcoholic beer but not wine - just yucky grapejuice for the most part.

Don't treat me differently - I'm still the life of any party and the one person in the whole crowd who will ride the mechanical surf board - no liquid courage necessary. Don't think I am judging you. Don't think I'm imposing my thoughts and beliefs on you. And don't impose yours on me.

Happy Birthday to me - I'm 14 - and while this number is large, I'm still taking it one day at a time.

Big game tonight for Laurakah! Go Tips!