Hey hockey fans! Here's a long-awaited blog....you'd think I'd find the time to do this more often since my involuntary retirement, but being Laura is a lot of work...
Ok - first - the Seattle game on October 25. Have I mentioned how much I hate Key Arena, the Thunderbirds, but most of all the Seattle fans? That was just about the ugliest hockey I have seen the Tips play - no focus, no plan, and what was with Kyle Beach and Taylor Ellington's fake moustaches? Seriously - I would have put them in the penalty box just for looking stupid.
But yeah - here's the recap of Tuesday's game against Tri-Cities: WORST REFS EVER! Smith totally sucked and the Linesmen sucked too. The only good news was that their bosses were in the stands watching them - maybe we can hang out once they are involuntarily retired too!
Great game, except that everytime we scored, the Tri-Cities scored too. We would score a killer goal and then they would answer. And you think that having the refs on their side would have helped them win the game - but no - we did it. We tied the game, held them off during OT and then yes - my new fav - Kellan "Tater" Tochkin (#16) won the game - especially sweet since Pickard (the Tri-Cities Goalie) would skate off and thump his chest for every shot he blocked.
And yes, fans, it was me who called into KRKO and announced to the world my new nickname for #16 - Tater Tochkin - and the guys loved it! Hockey Tom and Leo (who was grounded by his girlfriend from the hockey game according to Tom) won't let me ad-lib any heckles, but even Hockey Tom slipped and yelled "Nice job, Tater"....see, I'm like that - I eventually get to you and ya have to love me!
So, I'll be signing autographs at the next game during the periods out in the smoking section - please line up in an orderly fashion and have your $20 cash ready - no checks or credit cards please!
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
Joe Jobs
Have you ever thought about quitting your job and just getting a "Joe Job"? The definition of a JJ is a no-brainer job that you would love to do instead of the work you are doing now.
My work-husband's wife (Mai) says she would love to work at Blockbuster. Just ringin' up people - handing them their movie - then sending them out the door.
My JJ is delivering flowers...who doesn't love getting flowers? You knock on the door, hand someone some beautiful flowers, get the "OMG - they are gorgeous!!!" then leave. And just like that, you've made someone's day...isn't that a great thought? If only it paid $100k a year...
My next secret JJ is this - doing the Bumper Music for the Silvertips Game. If any of you have connections - this would make a great gift for the 7th day of Laurakah this year (mark your calendars 2/7/09).
Here's the changes I would make to the music played at the Tips' games:
1) No more "Kung Fu Fightin'" - that song was stupid when it came out - it's stupid now.
2) No more "Cotton Eye'd Joe" - we live in the freakin' Northwest, not the South...
3) I'm bringin' back the MACARENA...yeah, deal with it.
4) More AC/DC
5) Instead of "Kiss Me" for the Kissing Contest, it's gonna be "I Kissed A Girl" from Katy Perry - I'm turning Comcast Arena into a big ol' lesbian fest. The guys will love it!
6) Funny clips from cartoons - "Zoiks" and "Rah Roh Raggy" are funny fillers when the ref bites it or the other team does something stupid.
7) No more "Put Your Hands Up in the Air"...whoever made that song has made enough damn money for the stupidest song ever written.
8) I would dedicate "Hit the Road, Jack" to the Foghorns at least once every game.
9) I would play the "Head On, Apply Directly to the Forehead" commercial clip when a player gets a sweet check put on them (the other team, of course).
10) I would play more 80's music...we all know it - we all love it.
So, those are my JJ choices - what are yours??
My work-husband's wife (Mai) says she would love to work at Blockbuster. Just ringin' up people - handing them their movie - then sending them out the door.
My JJ is delivering flowers...who doesn't love getting flowers? You knock on the door, hand someone some beautiful flowers, get the "OMG - they are gorgeous!!!" then leave. And just like that, you've made someone's day...isn't that a great thought? If only it paid $100k a year...
My next secret JJ is this - doing the Bumper Music for the Silvertips Game. If any of you have connections - this would make a great gift for the 7th day of Laurakah this year (mark your calendars 2/7/09).
Here's the changes I would make to the music played at the Tips' games:
1) No more "Kung Fu Fightin'" - that song was stupid when it came out - it's stupid now.
2) No more "Cotton Eye'd Joe" - we live in the freakin' Northwest, not the South...
3) I'm bringin' back the MACARENA...yeah, deal with it.
4) More AC/DC
5) Instead of "Kiss Me" for the Kissing Contest, it's gonna be "I Kissed A Girl" from Katy Perry - I'm turning Comcast Arena into a big ol' lesbian fest. The guys will love it!
6) Funny clips from cartoons - "Zoiks" and "Rah Roh Raggy" are funny fillers when the ref bites it or the other team does something stupid.
7) No more "Put Your Hands Up in the Air"...whoever made that song has made enough damn money for the stupidest song ever written.
8) I would dedicate "Hit the Road, Jack" to the Foghorns at least once every game.
9) I would play the "Head On, Apply Directly to the Forehead" commercial clip when a player gets a sweet check put on them (the other team, of course).
10) I would play more 80's music...we all know it - we all love it.
So, those are my JJ choices - what are yours??
Monday, September 1, 2008
Hockey Weekend Recap!
Hey fans! It's been a while. I didn't realize my readership was jonesin' for some bloggin', so I solemnly promise to post often!
Ok, so I'm having a hockey hangover. Randy and I went to 8 games, a rookie scrimmage and a team scrimmage...the days kinda run together, but let's see what I remember...
Scrimmages:
Seriously, Kyle Beach starting a fight with Jordan Mistelbacher in a scrimmage game? Who does that crap? I'm sure no coach has ever said "Hey, if you get pissed off, knock the crap out of your team mate". Urgh...I REALLY hope he learns to shut up (maybe when he does he can teach me a thing or two???)
Friday Night:
SO good to get the gang back together...KIRO Dave brought an adorable date (his daughter) and everyone (except Hockey Tom who is at a International Doilie Convention in Denmark) and Bill and Tina (who were visiting with family) showed up. It was a good game - nice to see a different team take the ice and play hard, but we lost...although that didn't stop the crew from giving me a ration of crap!
Saturday Night:
Dinner at the Flying Leo for Barb's "Best Becanic Bag" award presentation, but Leo couldn't be bothered to show up...hmmmm...wonder if he was busy hanging out with his BFF Mucha from Portland....but the best part was Albie's toast to me for "Getting Rid of the Foghorns"!!! Let's list the top 3 things that are good about that...
1. No more off-key renditions of the Canadian and US National Anthems.
2. No more random and idiotic remarks about the Section 119 crew.
3. No more looking up the shorts of a fat slob who appearently can't afford underwear!
Wow - was Section 119 in rare form that night or what? Leo and KIRO Dave started heckling the T-Birds goalie (Pickard)...little did they know that Pickard's big brother was in our section...when the period ended, Big Brother came over and told the boys to leave his lil' brother alone - BIG MISTAKE. That only encouraged our group...as if they hadn't chased off enough of my day friends...(BIG shout out to Deb and Deb and Kimmie - LOVED LOVED LOVED hanging out with you guys!!!)
The Tips looked good - and it was nice to score so many goals to shut those damn T-Chicks fans up!!!
Sunday:
The posse was back together - sans Leo, Barb, Albie and the Dickson's...so my buddy James decided it was his turn to give me some crap....
Tips looked awesome but totally fell apart during the 3rd period...totally fell apart.
The good news? Holy Hot Chilliwack Coach, Batman...
I'm SOOO ready for hockey season!!! I'm still trying to get my cub reporter Randy to get me the scoop on why Mistelbacher and Kieffer are gone (how bad does that suck? I have Kieffer's jersey - or should I say "He has MY number"??? Stay tuned for breaking news...
In Summary:
1. Foghorns are gone.
2. Leo is funny without his better half, Tom.
3. Barb rocks - the jury is still out on Albie.
4. Kim and James are the best.
5. KIRO Dave still has the best heckles.
6. Mistelbacher and Kieffer are gone.
7. Kyle Beach looks good but needs to learn to shut up.
8. Chilliwack's Coach is hot.
9. I reconnected with some Sno. County buddies.
10. I had a great weekend!!!
Ok, so I'm having a hockey hangover. Randy and I went to 8 games, a rookie scrimmage and a team scrimmage...the days kinda run together, but let's see what I remember...
Scrimmages:
Seriously, Kyle Beach starting a fight with Jordan Mistelbacher in a scrimmage game? Who does that crap? I'm sure no coach has ever said "Hey, if you get pissed off, knock the crap out of your team mate". Urgh...I REALLY hope he learns to shut up (maybe when he does he can teach me a thing or two???)
Friday Night:
SO good to get the gang back together...KIRO Dave brought an adorable date (his daughter) and everyone (except Hockey Tom who is at a International Doilie Convention in Denmark) and Bill and Tina (who were visiting with family) showed up. It was a good game - nice to see a different team take the ice and play hard, but we lost...although that didn't stop the crew from giving me a ration of crap!
Saturday Night:
Dinner at the Flying Leo for Barb's "Best Becanic Bag" award presentation, but Leo couldn't be bothered to show up...hmmmm...wonder if he was busy hanging out with his BFF Mucha from Portland....but the best part was Albie's toast to me for "Getting Rid of the Foghorns"!!! Let's list the top 3 things that are good about that...
1. No more off-key renditions of the Canadian and US National Anthems.
2. No more random and idiotic remarks about the Section 119 crew.
3. No more looking up the shorts of a fat slob who appearently can't afford underwear!
Wow - was Section 119 in rare form that night or what? Leo and KIRO Dave started heckling the T-Birds goalie (Pickard)...little did they know that Pickard's big brother was in our section...when the period ended, Big Brother came over and told the boys to leave his lil' brother alone - BIG MISTAKE. That only encouraged our group...as if they hadn't chased off enough of my day friends...(BIG shout out to Deb and Deb and Kimmie - LOVED LOVED LOVED hanging out with you guys!!!)
The Tips looked good - and it was nice to score so many goals to shut those damn T-Chicks fans up!!!
Sunday:
The posse was back together - sans Leo, Barb, Albie and the Dickson's...so my buddy James decided it was his turn to give me some crap....
Tips looked awesome but totally fell apart during the 3rd period...totally fell apart.
The good news? Holy Hot Chilliwack Coach, Batman...
I'm SOOO ready for hockey season!!! I'm still trying to get my cub reporter Randy to get me the scoop on why Mistelbacher and Kieffer are gone (how bad does that suck? I have Kieffer's jersey - or should I say "He has MY number"??? Stay tuned for breaking news...
In Summary:
1. Foghorns are gone.
2. Leo is funny without his better half, Tom.
3. Barb rocks - the jury is still out on Albie.
4. Kim and James are the best.
5. KIRO Dave still has the best heckles.
6. Mistelbacher and Kieffer are gone.
7. Kyle Beach looks good but needs to learn to shut up.
8. Chilliwack's Coach is hot.
9. I reconnected with some Sno. County buddies.
10. I had a great weekend!!!
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
When I Rule The World
I have often said that when I rule the world - (only for one year - the world couldn't handle any more than that) there would be certain changes. Below are my list of top ten changes:
1. Double-wide strollers would be outlawed. How rude are those things? Especially when shopping...just stack your kids one behind the other like our parents did...we turned out ok, right?
2) It would be illegal to be stupid. Stupidity will get you a ticket and eventually land you in jail (while you're there...say hi to my family and friends).
3) My face would be on $100 bills and $1 bills. The rest of the bills are up for grabs - just let me know what bill ya wanna be on and I'll hook ya up!
4) There will be mandatory makeovers. No excuses - after all, you don't want a ticket from the fashion police, right?
5) Laurakah will be an official international holiday. (I'm thinking it already might be since I gave an official "laurakah cowbell" to a kid in Canada at a hockey game last year - stay tuned!)
6) Roman numerals will be outlawed. They are sooooo last century.
7) Walking in a crowd will be taught in schools. But let's start now - walk like you drive - to the right. Do not stop in the middle of traffic. Stay in a straight line...swerving = bad - walking at a steady pace in a straight line = good.
8) All ATM/payment machines in stores, etc. will be uniform - no more trying to figure out when to swipe your card. If someone else makes it to queen before me - you can steal this idea - PLEASE!
9) Fireworks will be banned except by professionals. I'm sick and tired of putting buckets of water around my house and hiding with my dogs on the 4th of July. My neighborhood has a bunch of cops and firefighters who are pyros! You want fireworks? Light a $20 bill - that's the equivalent to spending your money on fireworks.
10) Minivans? Gone. You have kids? Get an SUV. No man ( or woman) has EVER EVER looked cool in one of those. So park those stupid boxes on wheels and get yourself an SUV - and don't whine about the gas - if you can have 3+ kids, you can afford gas....
1. Double-wide strollers would be outlawed. How rude are those things? Especially when shopping...just stack your kids one behind the other like our parents did...we turned out ok, right?
2) It would be illegal to be stupid. Stupidity will get you a ticket and eventually land you in jail (while you're there...say hi to my family and friends).
3) My face would be on $100 bills and $1 bills. The rest of the bills are up for grabs - just let me know what bill ya wanna be on and I'll hook ya up!
4) There will be mandatory makeovers. No excuses - after all, you don't want a ticket from the fashion police, right?
5) Laurakah will be an official international holiday. (I'm thinking it already might be since I gave an official "laurakah cowbell" to a kid in Canada at a hockey game last year - stay tuned!)
6) Roman numerals will be outlawed. They are sooooo last century.
7) Walking in a crowd will be taught in schools. But let's start now - walk like you drive - to the right. Do not stop in the middle of traffic. Stay in a straight line...swerving = bad - walking at a steady pace in a straight line = good.
8) All ATM/payment machines in stores, etc. will be uniform - no more trying to figure out when to swipe your card. If someone else makes it to queen before me - you can steal this idea - PLEASE!
9) Fireworks will be banned except by professionals. I'm sick and tired of putting buckets of water around my house and hiding with my dogs on the 4th of July. My neighborhood has a bunch of cops and firefighters who are pyros! You want fireworks? Light a $20 bill - that's the equivalent to spending your money on fireworks.
10) Minivans? Gone. You have kids? Get an SUV. No man ( or woman) has EVER EVER looked cool in one of those. So park those stupid boxes on wheels and get yourself an SUV - and don't whine about the gas - if you can have 3+ kids, you can afford gas....
Monday, June 9, 2008
Soft Addictions
Hi Friends! It's been a while - I've been out of town, working a lot and being a big ball of stress. Which leads me to my topic...soft addictions.
I was at my BFF's 40th birthday extravaganza in Reno, NV when I first heard the word applied to me. My new cell phone was not connecting to the internet and I was seething about not being able to be plugged into my world. Between juggling a diet coke and fiddling with my cell phone, I guess I was not my usual fun self...
It's one of those things - I gave up drinking 14 1/2 years ago but replaced my addiction with work. But in my defense, what's worse?
I do my work with a lot of passion - I consider it my greatest strength and biggest weakness. I am one of the very few people who actually get paid to do what I love. And yes, I'm one of those idiots who would keep my job if I won the lottery...although I concede that I would probably get fired by doing something stupid like offering a co-worker $1000 to shut the hell up.
But lately it's made me into someone who is constantly pushing to get more and more done. It has become harder and harder to 'unplug' from my job, my computer, my cell phone, and from constantly turning things over in my mind. Modern technology has made me it's bitch - I can't get away.
Why can't I love exercise (although I had a great golf game not too long ago)? Why don't I love to do anything besides work, shop and read?
It's time for hockey. It's time for me to yell at Becanic and tell the other team that they 'still suck'. It's time for me to rush through the day anxious to get to the stadium to see my buddies.
Did I really just wish for summer to end?
I was at my BFF's 40th birthday extravaganza in Reno, NV when I first heard the word applied to me. My new cell phone was not connecting to the internet and I was seething about not being able to be plugged into my world. Between juggling a diet coke and fiddling with my cell phone, I guess I was not my usual fun self...
It's one of those things - I gave up drinking 14 1/2 years ago but replaced my addiction with work. But in my defense, what's worse?
I do my work with a lot of passion - I consider it my greatest strength and biggest weakness. I am one of the very few people who actually get paid to do what I love. And yes, I'm one of those idiots who would keep my job if I won the lottery...although I concede that I would probably get fired by doing something stupid like offering a co-worker $1000 to shut the hell up.
But lately it's made me into someone who is constantly pushing to get more and more done. It has become harder and harder to 'unplug' from my job, my computer, my cell phone, and from constantly turning things over in my mind. Modern technology has made me it's bitch - I can't get away.
Why can't I love exercise (although I had a great golf game not too long ago)? Why don't I love to do anything besides work, shop and read?
It's time for hockey. It's time for me to yell at Becanic and tell the other team that they 'still suck'. It's time for me to rush through the day anxious to get to the stadium to see my buddies.
Did I really just wish for summer to end?
Sunday, April 13, 2008
This One's for the Girls...
Ok guys - this one is for the girls. I know you men out there read my blog because my co-worker actually bought me a "Cougar" sandwich for lunch. But this one's for the girls. You've been warned.
I feel obliged to share some tips with my girls. This may surprise you, but I don't wake up lookin' like a dime piece - it takes some wallet lettuce to look this good - and a little effort (how much do I love my Modern Slang Dictionary??).
Let's start with the basics: I have always believed that I am the most important person in my life - think about it - without me, there is no mother, no daughter, no sister, no wife, no friends. So it's my duty and obligation to take care of myself. And you can post all you want about being vain and shallow - and I will delete it. It's a fact that American culture is based on looks. So taking care of yourself says that you care about yourself - other people should too.
Hair:
It's the one thing you really can't hide. This is important. Don't dye your own hair - and don't cut it either. And if you are going gray, consider moving to a lighter shade than your normal color. There's nothing worse than 2 or 3 inches of gray roots - it looks like mold growing on your scalp. Do me a favor and go find a picture of yourself 10 years ago - I'll wait.
Got it? Ok, now answer this - is your hairstyle the same? If so, you need a change. This is one area that it pays to consult a professional.
Eyebrows:
Thicker eyebrows are in - they make your face look more youthful. It is well worth the money to have a professional do a wax. It's like an instant facelift - trust me - and be sure to thank me when you see me next.
Eyes:
Beside my bed I keep Arbonne's Re9 eyecream (e-mail me for where to get it - my BFF's Sister sells it). This is the gold standard and not as expensive as the stuff they try to sell you at the Department Store. I also keep Neosporine - I rub it on my cuticles, elbows and lips before bed.
My new favorite stuff is mineral makeup. Arbonne has a great line and Bare Minerals is really good too.
Get measured for a good bra. Having the right fit will make you look like you lost 10 lbs. And finally, the Bra Goddesses are listening to me - they are making larger bras that are actually sexy (this is a personal issue with me - I mean you would think that the fact that millions of women spend thousands to get implants then have to wear ugly bras? This has pissed me off for years).
Shoes:
Don't buy cheap shoes. They hurt your feet. They look cheap. Even though you think you have to wear ugly shoes for comfort or foot problems - YOU ARE WRONG. Sofft makes some killer shoes that support your arches and I could run a marathon in mine (yeah right - come on - that's exercise). Don't buy cheap shoes.
Pedicures:
Seriously - don't show off your gnarly toes if you don't take care of them. It's around $20 at any nail shop in a strip mall. Pay the money and get those calluses taken off! You will thank me for this.
So, these are just the basics for you - and men - don't think you're getting off the hook. I will be posting info on the basics of manscaping. You've been warned.
I feel obliged to share some tips with my girls. This may surprise you, but I don't wake up lookin' like a dime piece - it takes some wallet lettuce to look this good - and a little effort (how much do I love my Modern Slang Dictionary??).
Let's start with the basics: I have always believed that I am the most important person in my life - think about it - without me, there is no mother, no daughter, no sister, no wife, no friends. So it's my duty and obligation to take care of myself. And you can post all you want about being vain and shallow - and I will delete it. It's a fact that American culture is based on looks. So taking care of yourself says that you care about yourself - other people should too.
Hair:
It's the one thing you really can't hide. This is important. Don't dye your own hair - and don't cut it either. And if you are going gray, consider moving to a lighter shade than your normal color. There's nothing worse than 2 or 3 inches of gray roots - it looks like mold growing on your scalp. Do me a favor and go find a picture of yourself 10 years ago - I'll wait.
Got it? Ok, now answer this - is your hairstyle the same? If so, you need a change. This is one area that it pays to consult a professional.
Eyebrows:
Thicker eyebrows are in - they make your face look more youthful. It is well worth the money to have a professional do a wax. It's like an instant facelift - trust me - and be sure to thank me when you see me next.
Eyes:
Beside my bed I keep Arbonne's Re9 eyecream (e-mail me for where to get it - my BFF's Sister sells it). This is the gold standard and not as expensive as the stuff they try to sell you at the Department Store. I also keep Neosporine - I rub it on my cuticles, elbows and lips before bed.
My new favorite stuff is mineral makeup. Arbonne has a great line and Bare Minerals is really good too.
Get measured for a good bra. Having the right fit will make you look like you lost 10 lbs. And finally, the Bra Goddesses are listening to me - they are making larger bras that are actually sexy (this is a personal issue with me - I mean you would think that the fact that millions of women spend thousands to get implants then have to wear ugly bras? This has pissed me off for years).
Shoes:
Don't buy cheap shoes. They hurt your feet. They look cheap. Even though you think you have to wear ugly shoes for comfort or foot problems - YOU ARE WRONG. Sofft makes some killer shoes that support your arches and I could run a marathon in mine (yeah right - come on - that's exercise). Don't buy cheap shoes.
Pedicures:
Seriously - don't show off your gnarly toes if you don't take care of them. It's around $20 at any nail shop in a strip mall. Pay the money and get those calluses taken off! You will thank me for this.
So, these are just the basics for you - and men - don't think you're getting off the hook. I will be posting info on the basics of manscaping. You've been warned.
Saturday, March 22, 2008
Tool Belt Diva
I guess I watch too many home improvement shows - you know 'Tool Belt Diva', 'Trading Spaces'- shows like these designed to make you feel like you can whip out some tools, drywall a room and refinish your hardwood floors in a day.
Before I tell you the great vacuum fire story of '08, here's a little background...
1) 2007/2008 has been the year of major purchases: we have had to replace a lot of appliances because they quit working - we bought a fridge, a stove, new washer/dryer, new sunglasses - you know...vital stuff to keep your house working.
2) When I got married, I got a valuable piece of advice from woman who had been married for 30 years. She said that whenever she wanted something done in her house (say hanging a curtain rod) and her husband wasn't doing it, she would go grab the biggest tool in the garage (say a power drill)and start just drilling big holes in the wall until her husband got up and did the job...keep that in the holster, girls, it works!
3) We have 3 dogs (all named after Presidents...Jackson, Teddy and Madison). Jackson is a chow/german shepard and if you didn't know Spring or Fall was on the way, you would know by the shedding of his coat. Chows have a lot of hair - and Jackson sheds in clumps. Huge clumps all over my tan carpet....
So, we have a vacuum that has been doing a lot of duty picking up huge clumps of dog hair and all the stuff little Madison brings into the house to chew up from the yard. It's not an expensive vacuum, but it's worked hard and I faithfully replace the bag and hoses to keep it going. The other night I changed the bag and started vacuuming. It made a funny noise, but hey, you just keep going, right? It decided to stop working so I flipped it over and discovered a bunch of gunk wrapped around the roller. I got my sewing scissors out, cleaned out the stuff, and plugged it back in to marvel at my work. But it didn't go - the motor sounded stuck. I gave up and went to bed.
The next day I decided I was going to tackle this project again - after all, my carpet looked like crap and I watch the shows...I can do this, right? Yeah...with Randy looking on, I got the phillips head screwdriver and took the bottom off the vacuum. Looking like I knew what I was doing, I messed with the belt and blew some dirt off the roller and pronounced it fixed! I plugged it in preparing to wow my husband - and the damn thing started smoking. Now, if I were my mothers' daughter, I would tell you that flames were shooting out and I bravely smothered the fire and saved my house from ruin. Except the real story went like this:
Randy - Take that outside now - not on the deck - on the cement in case it bursts into flames.
Me - Let me unplug it
Randy - NOW
Me - I'm going (I took it out front and put it on the cement walkway)
Randy - For future reference, if a motor doesn't want to turn, don't make it
Me - I was trying to save us money
Randy - Nice work - go get a new vacuum
The house was filled with a putrid rubber smell all night and I froze my butt off with all the windows open - my punishment for my foray into home improvement. The story of me buying two vacuums the next day because the first one I bought didn't suck is for another day...
I think I'm going to stick to just watching the home improvement shows and only practicing the stuff I learn on "What Not To Wear"...
Before I tell you the great vacuum fire story of '08, here's a little background...
1) 2007/2008 has been the year of major purchases: we have had to replace a lot of appliances because they quit working - we bought a fridge, a stove, new washer/dryer, new sunglasses - you know...vital stuff to keep your house working.
2) When I got married, I got a valuable piece of advice from woman who had been married for 30 years. She said that whenever she wanted something done in her house (say hanging a curtain rod) and her husband wasn't doing it, she would go grab the biggest tool in the garage (say a power drill)and start just drilling big holes in the wall until her husband got up and did the job...keep that in the holster, girls, it works!
3) We have 3 dogs (all named after Presidents...Jackson, Teddy and Madison). Jackson is a chow/german shepard and if you didn't know Spring or Fall was on the way, you would know by the shedding of his coat. Chows have a lot of hair - and Jackson sheds in clumps. Huge clumps all over my tan carpet....
So, we have a vacuum that has been doing a lot of duty picking up huge clumps of dog hair and all the stuff little Madison brings into the house to chew up from the yard. It's not an expensive vacuum, but it's worked hard and I faithfully replace the bag and hoses to keep it going. The other night I changed the bag and started vacuuming. It made a funny noise, but hey, you just keep going, right? It decided to stop working so I flipped it over and discovered a bunch of gunk wrapped around the roller. I got my sewing scissors out, cleaned out the stuff, and plugged it back in to marvel at my work. But it didn't go - the motor sounded stuck. I gave up and went to bed.
The next day I decided I was going to tackle this project again - after all, my carpet looked like crap and I watch the shows...I can do this, right? Yeah...with Randy looking on, I got the phillips head screwdriver and took the bottom off the vacuum. Looking like I knew what I was doing, I messed with the belt and blew some dirt off the roller and pronounced it fixed! I plugged it in preparing to wow my husband - and the damn thing started smoking. Now, if I were my mothers' daughter, I would tell you that flames were shooting out and I bravely smothered the fire and saved my house from ruin. Except the real story went like this:
Randy - Take that outside now - not on the deck - on the cement in case it bursts into flames.
Me - Let me unplug it
Randy - NOW
Me - I'm going (I took it out front and put it on the cement walkway)
Randy - For future reference, if a motor doesn't want to turn, don't make it
Me - I was trying to save us money
Randy - Nice work - go get a new vacuum
The house was filled with a putrid rubber smell all night and I froze my butt off with all the windows open - my punishment for my foray into home improvement. The story of me buying two vacuums the next day because the first one I bought didn't suck is for another day...
I think I'm going to stick to just watching the home improvement shows and only practicing the stuff I learn on "What Not To Wear"...
Saturday, March 15, 2008
******UPDATES*****BREAKING NEWS*****
Hello Sports Fans! Well, after a little surgery and lots of OT at work, here, finally is a post...
We went to Vancouver BC to see the Tips take on the Giants last weekend (March 8th). Great game, good hosts - I spilled a diet coke on some guy and he didn't berate me like Hockey Tom and Leo did - but we lost. Giants are a great team.
Finally, Finally, hockey again in Everett! Wednesday was a lot of fun and Hockey Tom was back from his crafting expo and Leo was back from serving the homeless. Both were in rare form and it was a great...but we lost to Tri-Cities (the place that sucks so bad they had to throw 3 cities into the mix to make it sound appealing). I had a personal heckler, but KIRO Dave had my back!
Friday saw Seattle come to town - have I mentioned how much I dispise the T-Chicks? Kyle Beach was a huge disappointment...I think he cost us home ice advantage in the playoffs. Even my buddie Albie has sworn never to wear his #12 jersey anymore...
But here's the ***BREAKING NEWS***:
I was in line for the private restroom (Leo threw an elbow and edged his way in before me - and LEFT THE SEAT UP AGAIN). While in line, a nice lady who sits right in front of the Foghorn's came up and told me that "Margo" (Mrs. Foghorn) would probably berate her for talking to me but that the Foghorns were MOVING TO ANOTHER SECTION ACROSS THE ICE. Yeah! Even this nice couple were excited to be getting rid of the trash in our section!
Update: Good triumphs over evil! Even this really nice lady was excited that they were moving! Take that Foghorns! Never underestimate the power of a pissed off blonde!
We went to Vancouver BC to see the Tips take on the Giants last weekend (March 8th). Great game, good hosts - I spilled a diet coke on some guy and he didn't berate me like Hockey Tom and Leo did - but we lost. Giants are a great team.
Finally, Finally, hockey again in Everett! Wednesday was a lot of fun and Hockey Tom was back from his crafting expo and Leo was back from serving the homeless. Both were in rare form and it was a great...but we lost to Tri-Cities (the place that sucks so bad they had to throw 3 cities into the mix to make it sound appealing). I had a personal heckler, but KIRO Dave had my back!
Friday saw Seattle come to town - have I mentioned how much I dispise the T-Chicks? Kyle Beach was a huge disappointment...I think he cost us home ice advantage in the playoffs. Even my buddie Albie has sworn never to wear his #12 jersey anymore...
But here's the ***BREAKING NEWS***:
I was in line for the private restroom (Leo threw an elbow and edged his way in before me - and LEFT THE SEAT UP AGAIN). While in line, a nice lady who sits right in front of the Foghorn's came up and told me that "Margo" (Mrs. Foghorn) would probably berate her for talking to me but that the Foghorns were MOVING TO ANOTHER SECTION ACROSS THE ICE. Yeah! Even this nice couple were excited to be getting rid of the trash in our section!
Update: Good triumphs over evil! Even this really nice lady was excited that they were moving! Take that Foghorns! Never underestimate the power of a pissed off blonde!
Monday, March 3, 2008
Weekend Wrap Up
Hello Sports Fans - here'a recap of this weekend.
Friday evening the Tips beat Seattle - YAY! SO nice to shut those stupid fans up! Leland Irving tied the WHL record for shut-outs by a goalie! As far as Section 119 goes - Hockey Tom was MIA. Leo reports that he was at a "Crafting and Knitting Expo" in LA - I'm on the trail of this story and going to get to the bottom of it...However, even though Hockey Tom was gone, Leo did his boy proud and left the seat up in the family restroom outside of 119.
Saturday evening started out with dinner at a Mexican Restaurant with the 119'ers. Lots of fun. You'd think that would have been the highlight of the evening, but alas, more fun was to be had in 119.
Hockey Tom and Leo were both MIA for this game (Leo reports he was 'serving the homeless' at a soup kitchen). Their seats were taken by a very funny co-worker of Leo's who proceeded to tell the group about Leo at work. Then Curly Sue brought some 'puck bunny' to the game. Let me say this - I would never let my daughter leave the house dressed like these little girls. And I would NEVER let my daughter wear so much perfume that everyone moved up to the top row of 119 just to get away from the smell.
After the row shuffles and movement, the conversation turned to 'Life in the 80's' with a few of us reliving old times and trends. Very funny stuff. Adam did his best gay impression and Kim tried to act like she didn't do half the stuff we know she did because we all did it!
Meanwhile - the game was horrible - we didn't deserve to win and it was amazing that we did. Oh yeah, Mrs. Foghorn bought some horribly tacky Tips framed memorabilia that was huge. I guess it will look nice next to her Velvet Elvis painting in the trailer...
Friday evening the Tips beat Seattle - YAY! SO nice to shut those stupid fans up! Leland Irving tied the WHL record for shut-outs by a goalie! As far as Section 119 goes - Hockey Tom was MIA. Leo reports that he was at a "Crafting and Knitting Expo" in LA - I'm on the trail of this story and going to get to the bottom of it...However, even though Hockey Tom was gone, Leo did his boy proud and left the seat up in the family restroom outside of 119.
Saturday evening started out with dinner at a Mexican Restaurant with the 119'ers. Lots of fun. You'd think that would have been the highlight of the evening, but alas, more fun was to be had in 119.
Hockey Tom and Leo were both MIA for this game (Leo reports he was 'serving the homeless' at a soup kitchen). Their seats were taken by a very funny co-worker of Leo's who proceeded to tell the group about Leo at work. Then Curly Sue brought some 'puck bunny' to the game. Let me say this - I would never let my daughter leave the house dressed like these little girls. And I would NEVER let my daughter wear so much perfume that everyone moved up to the top row of 119 just to get away from the smell.
After the row shuffles and movement, the conversation turned to 'Life in the 80's' with a few of us reliving old times and trends. Very funny stuff. Adam did his best gay impression and Kim tried to act like she didn't do half the stuff we know she did because we all did it!
Meanwhile - the game was horrible - we didn't deserve to win and it was amazing that we did. Oh yeah, Mrs. Foghorn bought some horribly tacky Tips framed memorabilia that was huge. I guess it will look nice next to her Velvet Elvis painting in the trailer...
Monday, February 25, 2008
Confessions of a Clothing Snob
Last year I lost a bunch of weight - 26 lbs! Finally, I saw a size 10 again - and wow was that great! Due to some stupid girl problems, I had to take hormones which brought me back up to a size 14 but now the hormones are gone and I'm on my way back down - size 10 is just a few pounds away! I should finally get to the weight I have determined is right for me around June/July - then I quit smoking! Then back on the diet to lose those pesky smoking pounds then finally - my 'asset reduction' surgery sometime around Thanksgiving - which means I will be a total 'dime piece' by the big FOUR-OH!
When I first lost all my weight - I started giving away my wardrobe - jeans, suits, dresses and even shoes (did you know that you can lose weight in your feet?) My co-workers were thankful as they were going through weight loss themselves. However, a consistent comment I got was that I was a "Clothing Snob".
That one shocked me. I am very big on personal integrity (do my deeds match my words?) and I pride myself on being a person who does not look down on others: I can't even watch Dr. Phil or Jerry Springer because I feel that those shows are designed to make fun of people who have not had the same advantages as me. I remember my mom's reaction to a classmate at her 20th year class reunion. The gentleman was in a wheelchair with a halo attached by screws to his forehead. He drooled and smelled like he hadn't had a shower in weeks - yet my mom ran right up and hugged him. That lesson has always stayed with me - and I'm not sure she even knows that.
Anyway - back to me. A clothing snob? How could I be a snob? It is incongruent with my personal motto to that everyone is equal, so why were my co-workers saying this about me? I cornered "The Sus" and made her spill the beans - and guess what - my clothes all had designer labels. I blame Randy.
When we first met, I was working as a waitress. Whenever I needed a pair of shoes, I would go to Payless. After my 5th pair of crappy black pumps he finally said "Why don't you just buy a pair of black pumps at Nordstrom for $75 that will last longer?" So I tried it - and now I'm addicted...to nice shoes, makeup, clothes....
However, what most of my friends know about me is that I'm a fanatic bargain shopper. I love brand names, but I get them at Nordstrom Rack. Most of my shoes come from there as well. I like quality but I'm only willing to pay full retail for a few things - and only in a size 10 and only for classic wardrobe staples. But here's a couple of my secrets:
1. I invest in a new coat every year - but I buy it only at the end of the season. Beautiful dress coats are 1/2 off or more at the end of the season. Pick a classic style and you will have it forever...follow the trends by buying a scarf in the latest color but stay with a classic cut on the coat.
2. For shoes - spend the money. I wear 3" to 4" heels every day. I could probably run the 50 yard dash in most of them. Why? Because they are quality shoes. Good shoes are priceless - trust me on this.
Let me address my final splurges: purse and sunglasses. I carry the same purse everyday. I don't switch out and I don't like cheap purses - and I don't give those away so deal with it. As for sunglasses? Every nice pair I have ever bought I still have. I don't lose them. And if I want to fork out some serious wallet lettuce for designer glasses? I will. If these items make me a clothing snob? Then I'm all in.
When I first lost all my weight - I started giving away my wardrobe - jeans, suits, dresses and even shoes (did you know that you can lose weight in your feet?) My co-workers were thankful as they were going through weight loss themselves. However, a consistent comment I got was that I was a "Clothing Snob".
That one shocked me. I am very big on personal integrity (do my deeds match my words?) and I pride myself on being a person who does not look down on others: I can't even watch Dr. Phil or Jerry Springer because I feel that those shows are designed to make fun of people who have not had the same advantages as me. I remember my mom's reaction to a classmate at her 20th year class reunion. The gentleman was in a wheelchair with a halo attached by screws to his forehead. He drooled and smelled like he hadn't had a shower in weeks - yet my mom ran right up and hugged him. That lesson has always stayed with me - and I'm not sure she even knows that.
Anyway - back to me. A clothing snob? How could I be a snob? It is incongruent with my personal motto to that everyone is equal, so why were my co-workers saying this about me? I cornered "The Sus" and made her spill the beans - and guess what - my clothes all had designer labels. I blame Randy.
When we first met, I was working as a waitress. Whenever I needed a pair of shoes, I would go to Payless. After my 5th pair of crappy black pumps he finally said "Why don't you just buy a pair of black pumps at Nordstrom for $75 that will last longer?" So I tried it - and now I'm addicted...to nice shoes, makeup, clothes....
However, what most of my friends know about me is that I'm a fanatic bargain shopper. I love brand names, but I get them at Nordstrom Rack. Most of my shoes come from there as well. I like quality but I'm only willing to pay full retail for a few things - and only in a size 10 and only for classic wardrobe staples. But here's a couple of my secrets:
1. I invest in a new coat every year - but I buy it only at the end of the season. Beautiful dress coats are 1/2 off or more at the end of the season. Pick a classic style and you will have it forever...follow the trends by buying a scarf in the latest color but stay with a classic cut on the coat.
2. For shoes - spend the money. I wear 3" to 4" heels every day. I could probably run the 50 yard dash in most of them. Why? Because they are quality shoes. Good shoes are priceless - trust me on this.
Let me address my final splurges: purse and sunglasses. I carry the same purse everyday. I don't switch out and I don't like cheap purses - and I don't give those away so deal with it. As for sunglasses? Every nice pair I have ever bought I still have. I don't lose them. And if I want to fork out some serious wallet lettuce for designer glasses? I will. If these items make me a clothing snob? Then I'm all in.
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
Songs About Laura
I was driving into work today and heard a song that triggered a memory for me – do you ever do that? I heard “Cool Change” by Little River Band that reminded me of a CD I once made for a friend.
I went to a wedding in my hometown a couple of years ago and caught up with some of my old friends – and reconnected with some people who I knew but never considered friends. Funny how you choose your friends differently now, hu? Anyway, my friend “TJ” and I decided that we would make a CD for each other that said something about who we are. TJ is a huge music buff such as I (although I’m sure I could kick his butt at my ‘six-pack’ game) so the task was to pick a variety of songs and explain why.
I went through my iPod and all my songs and came up with a list. This task was harder than I thought…and I’m not sure what they say about me, but here’s my list:
1) I’ll Be Around by The Spinners – my favorite song of all time.
2) Beast of Burden by the Rolling Stones – my second favorite song of all time.
3) Bitches Ain’t Shit by Ben Folds – this song cracks me up – what is funnier than a hard core rap song sung like a 50’s cocktail lounge song?
4) Alone Again by Gilbert O’Sullivan – this is the saddest song ever written.
5) Cool Change by the Little River Band – great driving tune…”I was born in the sign of water and it’s there that I feel my best”.
6) Grow Old Along with Me by Mary Chapin Carpenter (written by John Lennon) – my wedding song.
7) Groove is in the Heart by the DeeLites – best dance song EVER
8) I Touch Myself by The Divinyls – my karaoke song
9) Love Will Keep us Together by The Captain & Tenille – my other karaoke song
10) Auld Lange Sine by Dan Fogelberg – Great lyrics…this song is about looking back at high school and the choices we make to become who we are today.
So this is my list of songs – I’m not sure what they say about me. And TJ? I’m still waiting for that CD of yours, pal……
I went to a wedding in my hometown a couple of years ago and caught up with some of my old friends – and reconnected with some people who I knew but never considered friends. Funny how you choose your friends differently now, hu? Anyway, my friend “TJ” and I decided that we would make a CD for each other that said something about who we are. TJ is a huge music buff such as I (although I’m sure I could kick his butt at my ‘six-pack’ game) so the task was to pick a variety of songs and explain why.
I went through my iPod and all my songs and came up with a list. This task was harder than I thought…and I’m not sure what they say about me, but here’s my list:
1) I’ll Be Around by The Spinners – my favorite song of all time.
2) Beast of Burden by the Rolling Stones – my second favorite song of all time.
3) Bitches Ain’t Shit by Ben Folds – this song cracks me up – what is funnier than a hard core rap song sung like a 50’s cocktail lounge song?
4) Alone Again by Gilbert O’Sullivan – this is the saddest song ever written.
5) Cool Change by the Little River Band – great driving tune…”I was born in the sign of water and it’s there that I feel my best”.
6) Grow Old Along with Me by Mary Chapin Carpenter (written by John Lennon) – my wedding song.
7) Groove is in the Heart by the DeeLites – best dance song EVER
8) I Touch Myself by The Divinyls – my karaoke song
9) Love Will Keep us Together by The Captain & Tenille – my other karaoke song
10) Auld Lange Sine by Dan Fogelberg – Great lyrics…this song is about looking back at high school and the choices we make to become who we are today.
So this is my list of songs – I’m not sure what they say about me. And TJ? I’m still waiting for that CD of yours, pal……
Monday, February 18, 2008
Take That You Idiots!
Everett Events Center Board of Directors:
Earl Dutton - PresidentGary Weikel - Vice PresidentThomas Gaffney - Treasurer Karen Shaw - Secretary Mark Olson - Board Member
2000 Hewitt Avenue VIA FACSIMILE and REGULAR MAIL 425.322.2601
Suite 200 Everett, WA 98201
February 18, 2008
Dear Board:
I am writing you with a serious concern over the consistency of enforcement of the rules by your security personnel during Everett Silvertips Games. My husband and I are season ticket holders of the Silvertips. We sit in Section 119 Row 14 Seats 19 & 20. We have also purchased a large ticket package to have the 2 seats to either the right or left of us during the regular season. We enjoy the games and have made many friends in our section.
Our problem has been with the season ticket holders in Section 119 Row 15 seats 16 & 17. While I realize that they have been season ticket holders for 5 years, it does not, however, give them carte blanche to continually and consistently use inappropriate and unacceptable language.
On November 16, 2007 two friends joined my husband to watch the game. During this game, there was a scrum at the south end of the ice. My friend and his son stood up (along with the crowd) to watch the action. Row 115 yelled ‘down in front’ a couple of times. The son turned around and said they would be seated in just a minute. Row 115 continued to yell at them until finally the son said ‘ you don’t have to be a bitch, I will sit down’. Row 115 reported them to Security and they were removed. I am not defending our guests’ behavior, rather, using it to illustrate my next point.
On Saturday, February 16, 2008 my husband and I attended the game. The lady in Row 115 yelled down her row to another fan that he shouldn’t bring his girlfriend to the game because he is married. This didn’t seem to be something the whole section needed to hear, so I turned around and said to the man ‘it that really appropriate at the game?’ and he said “Shut the fuck up” and stuck his tongue out at me. I immediately reported the incident to security who ‘warned’ them. Please be advised that this is not the first time my husband and I have asked that they not use the “f-word” when yelling at the refs or players because of the children who sit in our section – an issue that I have reported to Devon at the Silvertips office.
I am asking that you investigate this incident, reprimand the folks in Row 115 for their consistent use of inappropriate language and uniformly enforce your policy to remove fans from the arena who use rude and abusive language. If you fail to do the above, I’m worried that the people in Row 115 will continue to escalate their behaviors and language until people don’t come to games and fail to renew their season tickets.
I am available to speak to you regarding this matter as well as provide any witnesses should you care to speak with them. I am asking that you inform me at your earliest convenience that this matter has been dealt with and what your proposed remedy is for the situation.
I look forward to many years as a Silvertips Season Ticket Holder and thank you for enforcing your rules so that everyone enjoys their visits to your facility.
Sincerely,
Laura W.
(address)
cc: Doug Soetaert, Everett Silvertips General Manager
Aaron Wilson, Senior Ticket Account Executive
Devon Wold, Sr. Ticket Account Exec. / Client Services Mgr
Rob Ramsburgh , Game Operations Manager
Earl Dutton - PresidentGary Weikel - Vice PresidentThomas Gaffney - Treasurer Karen Shaw - Secretary Mark Olson - Board Member
2000 Hewitt Avenue VIA FACSIMILE and REGULAR MAIL 425.322.2601
Suite 200 Everett, WA 98201
February 18, 2008
Dear Board:
I am writing you with a serious concern over the consistency of enforcement of the rules by your security personnel during Everett Silvertips Games. My husband and I are season ticket holders of the Silvertips. We sit in Section 119 Row 14 Seats 19 & 20. We have also purchased a large ticket package to have the 2 seats to either the right or left of us during the regular season. We enjoy the games and have made many friends in our section.
Our problem has been with the season ticket holders in Section 119 Row 15 seats 16 & 17. While I realize that they have been season ticket holders for 5 years, it does not, however, give them carte blanche to continually and consistently use inappropriate and unacceptable language.
On November 16, 2007 two friends joined my husband to watch the game. During this game, there was a scrum at the south end of the ice. My friend and his son stood up (along with the crowd) to watch the action. Row 115 yelled ‘down in front’ a couple of times. The son turned around and said they would be seated in just a minute. Row 115 continued to yell at them until finally the son said ‘ you don’t have to be a bitch, I will sit down’. Row 115 reported them to Security and they were removed. I am not defending our guests’ behavior, rather, using it to illustrate my next point.
On Saturday, February 16, 2008 my husband and I attended the game. The lady in Row 115 yelled down her row to another fan that he shouldn’t bring his girlfriend to the game because he is married. This didn’t seem to be something the whole section needed to hear, so I turned around and said to the man ‘it that really appropriate at the game?’ and he said “Shut the fuck up” and stuck his tongue out at me. I immediately reported the incident to security who ‘warned’ them. Please be advised that this is not the first time my husband and I have asked that they not use the “f-word” when yelling at the refs or players because of the children who sit in our section – an issue that I have reported to Devon at the Silvertips office.
I am asking that you investigate this incident, reprimand the folks in Row 115 for their consistent use of inappropriate language and uniformly enforce your policy to remove fans from the arena who use rude and abusive language. If you fail to do the above, I’m worried that the people in Row 115 will continue to escalate their behaviors and language until people don’t come to games and fail to renew their season tickets.
I am available to speak to you regarding this matter as well as provide any witnesses should you care to speak with them. I am asking that you inform me at your earliest convenience that this matter has been dealt with and what your proposed remedy is for the situation.
I look forward to many years as a Silvertips Season Ticket Holder and thank you for enforcing your rules so that everyone enjoys their visits to your facility.
Sincerely,
Laura W.
(address)
cc: Doug Soetaert, Everett Silvertips General Manager
Aaron Wilson, Senior Ticket Account Executive
Devon Wold, Sr. Ticket Account Exec. / Client Services Mgr
Rob Ramsburgh , Game Operations Manager
Friday, February 15, 2008
Pet Peeve #1
Yeah...we all have 'em - a pet peeve or two. I didn't really even discover how much this little ditty annoyed me until the other night.
At my work I serve on a lot of committees - and they mostly meet in the evenings. Therefore, I'm usually the last one out the door and heading home later than the average bear. The other night I jumped into the car prepared to play my favorite game on the way home (it's called 4 play but it's been expanded to the six pack). I have XM Satellite radio and I start at the 70's station, go to the 80's, 90's, soft rock, sunny rock then love songs. The goal is to name title and artist on all six stations. My personal best is 6 times hitting the six pack.
Ok, so I'm on the road (admittedly rockin' out to a Def Leppard tune on the 80's station) and I notice this tiny little car beside me. Contained in this tin can on wheels is a couple of guys who looked like they had just gotten off work at a construction site (I'm not looking down on them - my hubby is in construction). I guess they saw the blonde hair and decided that I would just voluntarily give them my ten digits. Really - when was the last time that move worked for ya, guys? Seriously...some blonde driving in a nice SUV just rolls down the window and shouts her phone number to a couple of guys? And then when I ignore you, I'm a bitch? That's how the game works?
Hubby is a biker - with a really nice bike. He's told me stories of getting flashed by girls. I say "Good for You" that bike is finally paying off. It's not something I've ever done to a biker, but hey, god bless ya chippies who think it's fun. What is not fun is all the delivery vans, truckers and just plain sleezy dudes who think it's cool to write "Flash Friday" or "Leg Check 15 feet ahead" in the dirt on the back of your rig.
Don't get me wrong - there's nothing I like more than attention - after all, it's "Lights, Camera, Laura". And getting looked at is nice - especially for a girl who grew up with a mom who looked like Lonnie Anderson and 2 BFF's who are smokin' hot. And don't get me wrong - there is nothing better than a bunch of cute guys smiling and waving or a bunch of young kids who think I'm a MILF. But come on - do we need to have the talk about who is in your league and who is not?
Ok - I guess we do. I have a lot of "Stupid Laura Theories" (not to be confused with "Stupid Laura Trivia"):
1) Guys will attract the best women they can afford; and
2) Guys don't realize who is and who is not in their league.
Think about it -how many times have you seen a gorgeous woman with a really ugly rich dude? And how many times have you girls been hit on by a guy who doesn't realize that the sum total of who you are and what you've become is from already having dated in the minors?
I once heard a comedian say that our license plates should be our cell phone numbers - and it seemed like a really good idea when I used to get road rage - but now I'm not so sure I could handle all the calls......
At my work I serve on a lot of committees - and they mostly meet in the evenings. Therefore, I'm usually the last one out the door and heading home later than the average bear. The other night I jumped into the car prepared to play my favorite game on the way home (it's called 4 play but it's been expanded to the six pack). I have XM Satellite radio and I start at the 70's station, go to the 80's, 90's, soft rock, sunny rock then love songs. The goal is to name title and artist on all six stations. My personal best is 6 times hitting the six pack.
Ok, so I'm on the road (admittedly rockin' out to a Def Leppard tune on the 80's station) and I notice this tiny little car beside me. Contained in this tin can on wheels is a couple of guys who looked like they had just gotten off work at a construction site (I'm not looking down on them - my hubby is in construction). I guess they saw the blonde hair and decided that I would just voluntarily give them my ten digits. Really - when was the last time that move worked for ya, guys? Seriously...some blonde driving in a nice SUV just rolls down the window and shouts her phone number to a couple of guys? And then when I ignore you, I'm a bitch? That's how the game works?
Hubby is a biker - with a really nice bike. He's told me stories of getting flashed by girls. I say "Good for You" that bike is finally paying off. It's not something I've ever done to a biker, but hey, god bless ya chippies who think it's fun. What is not fun is all the delivery vans, truckers and just plain sleezy dudes who think it's cool to write "Flash Friday" or "Leg Check 15 feet ahead" in the dirt on the back of your rig.
Don't get me wrong - there's nothing I like more than attention - after all, it's "Lights, Camera, Laura". And getting looked at is nice - especially for a girl who grew up with a mom who looked like Lonnie Anderson and 2 BFF's who are smokin' hot. And don't get me wrong - there is nothing better than a bunch of cute guys smiling and waving or a bunch of young kids who think I'm a MILF. But come on - do we need to have the talk about who is in your league and who is not?
Ok - I guess we do. I have a lot of "Stupid Laura Theories" (not to be confused with "Stupid Laura Trivia"):
1) Guys will attract the best women they can afford; and
2) Guys don't realize who is and who is not in their league.
Think about it -how many times have you seen a gorgeous woman with a really ugly rich dude? And how many times have you girls been hit on by a guy who doesn't realize that the sum total of who you are and what you've become is from already having dated in the minors?
I once heard a comedian say that our license plates should be our cell phone numbers - and it seemed like a really good idea when I used to get road rage - but now I'm not so sure I could handle all the calls......
Tuesday, February 12, 2008
Hockey In Heels 2008
OK - here's the scoop - I went to Hockey in Heels tonight with "The Sus". We had a blast. First of all, Dane Crowley, Clayton Bauer, Shane Harper, Leland Irving, Zach Hamill and Zach Dailey were all there. These kids are just too adorable. It's very clear they like each other and they like being in Everett.
The evening started with Coach Becanic introducing himself and telling his story about how he came to Everett. You guys aren't really interested, but it's a pretty interesting story - it reminds me of all the jobs I worked for little or no pay in order to pay my dues and move up. The kids then each told their stories. Unbelievable what some of these kids have gone through to play in the WHL.
The second part of the evening was trivia - normally my strong suit - but not Tips trivia. The players gave out autographed pictures of themselves as prizes. We then all wrote down questions and the players and Coach answered them. Section 119 would have been proud of me - I had the toughest question and they saved it until the end. The question was this: What is your plan to play more consistently for the rest of the season? I gotta say, I wasn't that impressed with the answer - that the top 5 teams in the league are better than before. The Tips went into the playoffs with 35 wins and now it is conceivable that the top 3-5 teams will enter with over 50 wins. He also mentioned the injury bug - btw - Steffonovich has gone back to Princeton.
The funnest part? I got picked to play charades with Bauer, Hamill and Harper. Yeah, I carried my team (they only answered 1 question) but we lost by a point. Whatever - who wanted a crappy pink zip front hoodie that's onsale in the store anyway? I talked some serious smack to Leland - I think he got nervous but he was able to brave it out. I am confident I will take the competition next year.
I have to say - it was a fun night - and I went in totally prepared to dislike Becanic. But I can't. He is charming, the kids love him, and he has some interesting ways of teaching and getting respect from his players. I liked him, sorry Hockey Tom and Leo...
The evening started with Coach Becanic introducing himself and telling his story about how he came to Everett. You guys aren't really interested, but it's a pretty interesting story - it reminds me of all the jobs I worked for little or no pay in order to pay my dues and move up. The kids then each told their stories. Unbelievable what some of these kids have gone through to play in the WHL.
The second part of the evening was trivia - normally my strong suit - but not Tips trivia. The players gave out autographed pictures of themselves as prizes. We then all wrote down questions and the players and Coach answered them. Section 119 would have been proud of me - I had the toughest question and they saved it until the end. The question was this: What is your plan to play more consistently for the rest of the season? I gotta say, I wasn't that impressed with the answer - that the top 5 teams in the league are better than before. The Tips went into the playoffs with 35 wins and now it is conceivable that the top 3-5 teams will enter with over 50 wins. He also mentioned the injury bug - btw - Steffonovich has gone back to Princeton.
The funnest part? I got picked to play charades with Bauer, Hamill and Harper. Yeah, I carried my team (they only answered 1 question) but we lost by a point. Whatever - who wanted a crappy pink zip front hoodie that's onsale in the store anyway? I talked some serious smack to Leland - I think he got nervous but he was able to brave it out. I am confident I will take the competition next year.
I have to say - it was a fun night - and I went in totally prepared to dislike Becanic. But I can't. He is charming, the kids love him, and he has some interesting ways of teaching and getting respect from his players. I liked him, sorry Hockey Tom and Leo...
Saturday, February 9, 2008
Recap of Laurakah and the Week in Review
First, let me say that for my very last birthday - it was the best ever. I invented this crazy holiday for the gifts/attention and my friends didn't fail to disappoint. It has been said that you can judge a person by the company they keep and I am incredibly humbled by the amount of people who braved traffic, weather and illness to turn out at the Tips game for me. Thanks to all of you for the gifts - but thanks most of all for the gift of your friendship.
While we are on the subject of gifts - wow...I got some good ones! I got a hysterical modern slang dictionary (don't laugh or I'll pop a cap in your ass), 3 crowns, a fabulous pink boa and lots of games. Speaking of games - do you not know my competitive side? How many times do I challenge ya'll to games only to walk away the victor? Do you guys really want to go through the humiliation of me kickin' your butts?
Highlights of my gifts were the flowers I received from my brother, my daughter buying me 8 gifts (so so so thoughtful) and my mom getting my gifts there on the actual day. I loved everything and will be working to get thank you notes out! And another great gift was my daughter's friend having a beautiful baby girl on my birthday! A Laurakah baby...poor world - there will be another one of me.
So, now to the Tips game - we won! And while a small part of me was sad for the Prince George Cougars (only because I like the name) there were two great games this weekend. I can't really recap the games only to say they were exciting, our passes looked good and we won. Highlights of the game for me were not on the ice but in the crowd.
The 119ers were in full form. You guys rock - you welcomed my guests and participated in the Laurakah festivities. Everytime the Tips scored, Hockey Tom would turn around and give me the high five and say that goal was for my birthday. And thanks to Mr. and Mrs. Foghorn Leghorn for amusing my guests by singing the Canadian and US National Anthems in your usual tone deaf loud voices. My friends enjoyed the renditions.
So, Saturday's game - so funny for different reasons. Boys, when you use the 'family' restroom - PUT THE DAMN SEAT DOWN. I was in line for the restroom when out walks Hockey Tom...but he left the SEAT UP. I had to come out and put the boy in his place for that rookie move. And I was unimpressed with Leo's defense that it's a man's world at a hockey game and the seat should be welded up. But the funniest was when someone in our section won the autographed hockey stick and Hockey Tom started heckling the mascot Lincoln.
Mind you - Leo had already told a group of boys to have a seat when they were having a Chinese Fire Drill while the game was going and Hockey Tom yelled at 2 ten year old kids selling 50/50 tickets to sit down. Hockey Tom then decided to call out Lincoln. The usual - 'down in front' wasn't working for Lincoln. Hockey Tom continued to jaw and Lincoln climbed over the seats and called him out. Funny stuff - but not the end. Lincoln came back later, stood behind Hockey Tom and threw popcorn. The clincher was when Lincoln offered Hockey Tom some of his popcorn then threw it in his face.
Final Score - Lincoln 1...Hockey Tom 0.
But the little girl who witnessed it in our section was the big winner...she told her dad "I had the best Lincoln night EVER".
While we are on the subject of gifts - wow...I got some good ones! I got a hysterical modern slang dictionary (don't laugh or I'll pop a cap in your ass), 3 crowns, a fabulous pink boa and lots of games. Speaking of games - do you not know my competitive side? How many times do I challenge ya'll to games only to walk away the victor? Do you guys really want to go through the humiliation of me kickin' your butts?
Highlights of my gifts were the flowers I received from my brother, my daughter buying me 8 gifts (so so so thoughtful) and my mom getting my gifts there on the actual day. I loved everything and will be working to get thank you notes out! And another great gift was my daughter's friend having a beautiful baby girl on my birthday! A Laurakah baby...poor world - there will be another one of me.
So, now to the Tips game - we won! And while a small part of me was sad for the Prince George Cougars (only because I like the name) there were two great games this weekend. I can't really recap the games only to say they were exciting, our passes looked good and we won. Highlights of the game for me were not on the ice but in the crowd.
The 119ers were in full form. You guys rock - you welcomed my guests and participated in the Laurakah festivities. Everytime the Tips scored, Hockey Tom would turn around and give me the high five and say that goal was for my birthday. And thanks to Mr. and Mrs. Foghorn Leghorn for amusing my guests by singing the Canadian and US National Anthems in your usual tone deaf loud voices. My friends enjoyed the renditions.
So, Saturday's game - so funny for different reasons. Boys, when you use the 'family' restroom - PUT THE DAMN SEAT DOWN. I was in line for the restroom when out walks Hockey Tom...but he left the SEAT UP. I had to come out and put the boy in his place for that rookie move. And I was unimpressed with Leo's defense that it's a man's world at a hockey game and the seat should be welded up. But the funniest was when someone in our section won the autographed hockey stick and Hockey Tom started heckling the mascot Lincoln.
Mind you - Leo had already told a group of boys to have a seat when they were having a Chinese Fire Drill while the game was going and Hockey Tom yelled at 2 ten year old kids selling 50/50 tickets to sit down. Hockey Tom then decided to call out Lincoln. The usual - 'down in front' wasn't working for Lincoln. Hockey Tom continued to jaw and Lincoln climbed over the seats and called him out. Funny stuff - but not the end. Lincoln came back later, stood behind Hockey Tom and threw popcorn. The clincher was when Lincoln offered Hockey Tom some of his popcorn then threw it in his face.
Final Score - Lincoln 1...Hockey Tom 0.
But the little girl who witnessed it in our section was the big winner...she told her dad "I had the best Lincoln night EVER".
Thursday, February 7, 2008
14 Years of Sobriety
This is the day I truly celebrate - 14 years of sobriety. For those of you without a calculator that means I quit drinking the day after my 25th birthday. I want to explain what my alcoholism and sobriety mean to me. This is not professional advice. This does not apply to every alcoholic. I am no longer an AA member so these are not their ideas. But here goes.
Inevitably when you spend more than 30 minutes with me, I will bring up the fact that I am a recovering alcoholic. This is something that defines me - but in a good way. I'm an open personality - and for this reason I tell people about my sobriety because: 1) It keeps me accountable. The more people who know, the more people I am accountable to. 2) It defines me - for I am nothing without my sobriety. That sounds kinda ominous, but it's true. My life, my friends, my job, my passions - I wouldn't have any of this without my sobriety.
My sobriety, while something I am very open about, is personal. This is a disease, but a disease that can be put into permanent remission with constant vigilance and maintenance. I believe there is a genetic component - and I believe that this was a family genetic situation for me. But let's be clear...this is not my parent's fault. This was my choice. Behaviors are choices - and while I may not have had a lot of options when choosing - I did make choices. I'm accountable for those. No one ever held me down and poured beer down my throat (ok - they did, but beer bongs and upside-down margaritas were my idea).
However, something most people don't get - it's less about a physical addiction and more about behavior patterns. For me - it was about being numb and fear. Fear that I couldn't handle pain and a real fear that I couldn't handle success. It was about hiding from feelings...covering up what I wasn't prepared to deal with. For me, this has also manifested itself in other areas: shopping (now something I enjoy but don't have to do), being overweight (afraid no one would take me seriously as an attractive woman - the CIT I am now ;), and self sabotage...meaning that just when I was about to succeed I would somehow screw things up for myself so I could sit back and say "See - I can't be successful - you were wrong."
I've had to really work the 12 steps (and you CANNOT remain sober without them) and guess what - it's not over. Everyday there in an opportunity to put into practice at least one step that I have learned. I've reached out to other alcoholics only to see them fail. I've lost family members who ultimately died or took their lives because of this disease. And I've had people spit in my face when I tried to apologize - and lost a person really close to me because of my behaviors when drinking.
So, now let's get back to dealing with me - first of all - here's the annoying part of being an alcoholic when you mention it to someone invariably a few things happen:
1) They tell you how much they drink (I don't care - this is a decision for ME and ME ONLY)
2) They tell you how much someone else drinks (I don't care - this is a decision for ME and ME ONLY)
3) They know another practicing or recovering alcoholic and want to tell me about how much they drink/don't drink (I don't care - this is a decision for ME and ME ONLY).
It must be like being a Doctor and seeing a patient outside the office and asking them how they are doing - or working for a mobile phone company - people want a free phone, hate their service or just wanna bitch about the salesperson. If you take nothing away from this - take this - I am not judging you. My alcoholism has nothing to do with a judgement on you or anyone drinking. I really don't care how much you do/don't drink. And guess what, if you do drink too much - I can drive you home.
Here's where I'm more unusual than most - I have wine and beer in my house...there's probably some hard liquor there too...drinking is ok with me - I just don't get into drunks. And if you're clingy - that's a recipe for disaster. I do avoid food that is not cooked with alcohol in it and don't take Nyquil unless it's in the capsule form. I do, however, enjoy non-alcoholic beer but not wine - just yucky grapejuice for the most part.
Don't treat me differently - I'm still the life of any party and the one person in the whole crowd who will ride the mechanical surf board - no liquid courage necessary. Don't think I am judging you. Don't think I'm imposing my thoughts and beliefs on you. And don't impose yours on me.
Happy Birthday to me - I'm 14 - and while this number is large, I'm still taking it one day at a time.
Inevitably when you spend more than 30 minutes with me, I will bring up the fact that I am a recovering alcoholic. This is something that defines me - but in a good way. I'm an open personality - and for this reason I tell people about my sobriety because: 1) It keeps me accountable. The more people who know, the more people I am accountable to. 2) It defines me - for I am nothing without my sobriety. That sounds kinda ominous, but it's true. My life, my friends, my job, my passions - I wouldn't have any of this without my sobriety.
My sobriety, while something I am very open about, is personal. This is a disease, but a disease that can be put into permanent remission with constant vigilance and maintenance. I believe there is a genetic component - and I believe that this was a family genetic situation for me. But let's be clear...this is not my parent's fault. This was my choice. Behaviors are choices - and while I may not have had a lot of options when choosing - I did make choices. I'm accountable for those. No one ever held me down and poured beer down my throat (ok - they did, but beer bongs and upside-down margaritas were my idea).
However, something most people don't get - it's less about a physical addiction and more about behavior patterns. For me - it was about being numb and fear. Fear that I couldn't handle pain and a real fear that I couldn't handle success. It was about hiding from feelings...covering up what I wasn't prepared to deal with. For me, this has also manifested itself in other areas: shopping (now something I enjoy but don't have to do), being overweight (afraid no one would take me seriously as an attractive woman - the CIT I am now ;), and self sabotage...meaning that just when I was about to succeed I would somehow screw things up for myself so I could sit back and say "See - I can't be successful - you were wrong."
I've had to really work the 12 steps (and you CANNOT remain sober without them) and guess what - it's not over. Everyday there in an opportunity to put into practice at least one step that I have learned. I've reached out to other alcoholics only to see them fail. I've lost family members who ultimately died or took their lives because of this disease. And I've had people spit in my face when I tried to apologize - and lost a person really close to me because of my behaviors when drinking.
So, now let's get back to dealing with me - first of all - here's the annoying part of being an alcoholic when you mention it to someone invariably a few things happen:
1) They tell you how much they drink (I don't care - this is a decision for ME and ME ONLY)
2) They tell you how much someone else drinks (I don't care - this is a decision for ME and ME ONLY)
3) They know another practicing or recovering alcoholic and want to tell me about how much they drink/don't drink (I don't care - this is a decision for ME and ME ONLY).
It must be like being a Doctor and seeing a patient outside the office and asking them how they are doing - or working for a mobile phone company - people want a free phone, hate their service or just wanna bitch about the salesperson. If you take nothing away from this - take this - I am not judging you. My alcoholism has nothing to do with a judgement on you or anyone drinking. I really don't care how much you do/don't drink. And guess what, if you do drink too much - I can drive you home.
Here's where I'm more unusual than most - I have wine and beer in my house...there's probably some hard liquor there too...drinking is ok with me - I just don't get into drunks. And if you're clingy - that's a recipe for disaster. I do avoid food that is not cooked with alcohol in it and don't take Nyquil unless it's in the capsule form. I do, however, enjoy non-alcoholic beer but not wine - just yucky grapejuice for the most part.
Don't treat me differently - I'm still the life of any party and the one person in the whole crowd who will ride the mechanical surf board - no liquid courage necessary. Don't think I am judging you. Don't think I'm imposing my thoughts and beliefs on you. And don't impose yours on me.
Happy Birthday to me - I'm 14 - and while this number is large, I'm still taking it one day at a time.
Big game tonight for Laurakah! Go Tips!
Wednesday, February 6, 2008
It's Here - Thirty Frickin' Nine
Welcome to Day 7 of Laurakah
Ok - deep breath - I've practiced this...so let me try it here...I'm 39. Wow - 39 - wow. It's unbelievable. I woke up this morning and it slapped me right in the face - 39.
So here we go...rather than dwell on all the negatives - I am a fun girl after all - let's do another list...
Eight things I can no longer get away with:
1) Wearing a miniskirt. The legs are still good, but it's just inappropriate at my age.
2) Going platinum blonde - but then again, I'm not sure I could ever get away with that.
3) Shopping at Aeropostale or Zumiez or Pac Sun.
4) Wearing junior's sizes.
5) Wearing glitter.
6) Working at Hooters (although I can still make 'em jealous)
7) Wearing spandex (doing it in the 80's was enough)
8) Referring to myself as a 'girl'.
Eight things I CAN do that I couldn't before:
1) Say I have a college degree.
2) Say I have experience (go ahead and read into that what you will).
3) Tell people what I think of them and not worry about getting fired or whether they like me or not.
4) Speak from a confidence born from living.
5) Count the laugh lines by my eyes (I earned those).
6) Say no to things that aren't worth it.
7) Say that I've been hurt and really mean it.
8) Say that I've been loved and really mean it.
Maybe this 39 thing won't be so bad, especially since it's the last birthday I plan on having.
Friday's blog: What 14 years of sobriety means to me
Saturday's blog: Silvertips Game, Laurakah party pics, and more smack about the F. Leghorn's!
Tuesday, February 5, 2008
Getting Older – It’s Not for The Weak
Welcome to Day 6 of Laurakah!
Alrighty – it’s the day before my birthday and here is it – I will be 39 on February 7. Not such a big deal right? It’s not 40 – and I can legally vote, run for Congress and buy alcohol and cigarettes. The big ‘4-Oh” means I can run for US President – big whoop. Here’s the thing – I’m having a hard time with this number.
I’m going to be vulnerable and go deep with you, folks. I’m not dealing well with this birthday. I mean sure, there’s the parties for Laurakah and the 8 days of gifts, but I think when all the hooplah is over – I’m gonna be a nightmare to live with.
Except it’s not ‘gonna be a nightmare’ – it already is – at least for my close friends who have had to put up with me daily asking every stranger I meet to guess my age. I then run to anyone who will listen to make sure they agree (anything under 34) or disagree (anything over 34). I’m making my friends crazy – but I can’t stop.
Why is it when I look in the mirror I see someone who is young? I’m full of energy and confidence. In the last couple of years, I have learned to accept certain things about myself: I am not stick thin, I do not have six pack abs and I’m never going to Medical School.
I’ve learned to look for the things I like about myself instead of obsess on the things I don’t like. I’ve learned to channel my passion into what truly makes a difference. I’ve learned that being an open personality is a good thing and not a character flaw. And I’ve learned that the things that are really important in life are not things. So why am I freaking out?
My BFF Nanette and I have always had “labels” for the milestones in life – and I guess I’m having to readjust how I want to be labeled. For instance:
“Chippie” – defined as a woman/girl who is 18 – 25 years old. These are the ‘super cute/super sweet’ girls who spend time on their looks and care about what others think of them. (I ended up with this pet name from a guy I dated in college)
“Hottie” – defined as a woman 25-35 years old (I really want this to go to 45). These are the women who are becoming more confident in themselves and care about their looks. They can still turn heads at a bar.
“CIT” (Cougar in Training) – defined as a woman 35-45 (sometimes referred to as a ‘MILF’). These women are at the top of their career, ultra smart and ultra confident. These women are stylish and are sexy because of their confidence. This was my mom growing up -- I think the guys I dated came over to see her - she was hot!
“Cougar” – defined as women 45+. Great examples of Cougars are Jane Seymour, Morgan Fairchild and Goldie Hawn. Do you really need an explanation with these examples?
So, here’s my plan: I will tough it out and follow the words of Eleanor Roosevelt and “Do Something That Scares You Every Day”. I will don my party frock (which is a hockey jersey), mingle with my fans at Laurakah and stop driving my friends crazy.
But even though I’m a CIT, I’m never gonna stop the quest to remain in the “Hottie” category for 20 more years…
p.s. Anyone who posts who tells me to lighten up or that I’m just a kid will find their remarks deleted!
Monday, February 4, 2008
The 8 Best Bumper Stickers
Since my post "8 Things that Piss Me Off" was a huge hit to my family and friends, I thought I would compile another list: the 8 Best Bumper Stickers along with my commentary.
Please note that bumper stickers can make even the most expensive car look tacky and therefore I will not put one on my car, but for those of you not afraid to look cheesy, this is my salute to you!
8. "If You're Not the Lead Dog, the View Never Changes". Think about that.
7. "Jesus Loves You - Everyone Else Thinks You're a Bitch". Ok - there's another version of this, but my dad reads my blog and I kinda need God's PR guy on my side...
6. "Those Of You Who Think You Know It All Really Annoy Those of Us Who Do". Truer words were never spoken. You guys really do annoy me.
5. "Would You Still Fight for My Unborn Fetus if You Knew It was Gay?" Yeah, a big jab at my pro-life homophobic friends, but I really really love this one.
4. "Be Nice to America or We'll Bring Democracy to Your Country". Ok, I made a promise I wouldn't get political, but how appropriate is this right now?
3. "There are Three Kinds of People in This World - Those Who Can Do Math and Those Who Cannot". Great sentiment - only wish I had thought of it first.
2. "Well Behaved Women Rarely Make History". Love it! Loved it so much, it's the license plate holder for Jasmine (Royal Motor Coach to the Queen). Truly - where would we be if Rosa Parks had just sat in the back of the bus and said nothing?
1. "You lost - Get Over It". Read things that piss me off - I can't stand condescending or biggoted behavior.
An Open Letter to My High School Teachers
Welcome to Day 4 of Laurakah!
I've been doing some reminiscing...you know, a retrospective look at all the experiences that shaped me. It's impossible to do that without thinking back to the time in my life that was both awesome and a nightmare at the same time. Let me say this - I have deep respect for teachers - and would like to think I have made them proud (except for my geography teacher because, well, I can't even point Canada out on a map)...
Remember when you told me that I needed to learn Algebra/Trigonometry because I would use it later in life?
You were wrong. I don’t use it. I don’t remember it. I can use a calculator and operate an excel spreadsheet just fine, thank you! Ok - I can't operate an excel spreadsheet, but I know people who can...
Remember when you told me that I should pay attention because no one would ever PAY me to talk?
You were wrong. I DO get paid to talk. I talk all the time: phone, cell phone, e-mail, presentations, negotiations – I think there is even a degree you can earn in college….B.S. (It just stands for something different in my world.) Basically, my whole day is spent talking and guess what? People actually wait on hold to talk to me – they leave me messages asking me to call them. And get this, I get paid to do this!
Remember when you told me I needed to climb the rope in gym class?
What the hell for? I have never, ever even been close to being in a situation where I need that skill! What were you thinking?!
Remember when you told me I shouldn’t write notes?
Yeah, another wrong turn for ya – I write notes all the time: thank you notes, notes to files, e-mails. In fact, this may have been the most useful thing I learned in High School with the notable exception of typing – THAT I use all the time.
Remember when you told me that I shouldn’t socialize so much in class?
I get paid to socialize. Of course, it is called “networking” in the grown-up world. In fact, that’s my whole job. And guess what? I’m good at it!
So remember this kids - do your homework, pay attention in class and respect your teachers. You can forget all the dumb stuff they taught you later!
Sunday, February 3, 2008
Tips Loser Laser Light Show
A Gift for Laurakah Day 3
Welcome to Day 3 of Laurakah! My thanks to all of you who again showered me with gifts...you get me! To the left is a shirt chosen for me by my BFF Nan - how well does she know me???
Although the evening started with dinner at the Pig with some other 119'ers (lots of fun) - the game didn't end that great. But you know where to go for game info...
Welcome to Day 3 of Laurakah! My thanks to all of you who again showered me with gifts...you get me! To the left is a shirt chosen for me by my BFF Nan - how well does she know me???Although the evening started with dinner at the Pig with some other 119'ers (lots of fun) - the game didn't end that great. But you know where to go for game info...
So, Randy and I bought season tickets, then purchased the 2 seats either to the right or left of us for the season. This allows us to bring friends to the game and allowed our daughter to have a lot of games to attend with us. It's the only way to get a 19 year old to spend time with us...
We have a running joke in our family - whenever we bring a new guest to the game, we always build up the Pacific Power Batteries Laser Light Show. I've been known to tell people that it's like a Pink Floyd Concert on acid. We then make sure our guests are in their seats in time to view the show...then laugh our asses off.
Are you serious? I could grab a flashlight and some tissue paper and do a better job than that! How lame can you be? The only thing worse than our loser light show is Seattle's!
Did someone slip Mr. and Mrs. Foghorn my blog address? They were very subdued - but unfortunately they talked some smack about my boys - apparently when Hockey Tom and Leo heckled the Giants' goaltender...Mr. Foghorn said they were idiots....really - taken a look in the mirror lately? And buy some pants for the love of God...
Friday, February 1, 2008
I Love Not Camping - to my dad with love...
Welcome to Day 2 of Laurakah! My thanks to all of you who called to give me good wishes (cheapskates - that is NOT a gift). And my heartfelt thanks to all of you who truly get me and bought me gifts. I will feature your gifts in this blog as part of my gratitude. I bought myself a gift as well - behold my new luggage tag!
Let's talk about the significance of this luggage tag - it could not suit me any better - camping sucks! And people don't use luggage when they camp - even more perfect. I know some of you enjoy it (God Bless Ya) but as much as my dad tried, I hate camping.
To understand my distaste for camping, you must understand what my dad and step-mother made me endure - but don't pick up the phone to call Child Protective Services, for alas, I have forgiven them.
Picture this: I'm eight (ish) years old and my dad and step-mother spring on me "Hey, we're going camping". Now, if you're anyone else, you're excited, right? I was filled with dread. So we loaded up the car with mummy bags (really - who named those things?), pup tents and jugs of water. The jugs of water should have been a clue, but I bravely packed my jeans and sweatshirts into a duffel bag and got in the car.
Ok, folks - I grew up in Nevada - and what grows in Nevada? Nothing. Why does nothing grow in Nevada? There is NO WATER. IT IS A DESERT. So the fam gets to the "campsite" - aka flat area surrounded by dirt - and set up the pup tent. Then what do we do on this big adventure? NOTHING. IT IS A DESERT. But no, my dad was having a blast and we ended up sitting around a campfire doing NOTHING. What's more fun than doing NOTHING and getting dirty and not being able to shower I ask you...
On another family camping trip we went to Death Valley. Death Valley - what grows in Death Valley? NOTHING. IT IS A DESERT. My parents proceed to set up the famous pup tent in a dry creek bed (safe, right? After all - IT IS A DESERT). Except that there was a flash flood and my brother and I ended up soaking wet sitting in the back seat of our car while our campsite washed away. Nice.
That should have been it, except that it wasn't. I agreed, at the age of thirteen, to drive in a puke green VW Bus to Colorado with my family. At 13, your parents are the biggest dorks ever, but I thought at least previous pup tent camping was over because we had the bus...yeah right.
Although we stayed in RV parks, I don't think my dad could ever get used to the fact that at 13 I was more concerned with my looks than spending time with my family. I would get up every morning, go to the showers and put on makeup and do my hair. Normal girl stuff, right? I think my dad thought he could keep me as his little girl by outsmarting me and getting up earlier so I wouldn't have time for makeup and hair. Poor guy, he tried...
It was during this trip that I found the greatest discovery yet of my 13 years - the butane curling iron. All I had to do was go and take a shower, blow dry my hair, then hop in the bus to go down the road. The first day I set up my mirror and fired up the curling iron in the bus my dad knew he had been had.
So, I ask you, what is it about shoving clothes in a duffel bag, sitting around in dirt and doing NOTHING appeals to campers? Why would I leave my warm home, my shower and my comfy bed to camp? The good news about being an adult - I no longer have to. I love not camping. Happy Birthday to me.
Thursday, January 31, 2008
Laurakah - Day 1
Welcome to the first day of Laurakah!With so much fanfare and the constant stream of paparazzi following me, I've barely had time to catch my breath. But thanks for checking my blog.
The first day of Laurakah starts off slowly - just small gifts, tokens of appreciation and the like. As the week progresses, the gifts get larger culminating in the large party on February 8, 2008 at the Tips game.
To kick off the week, I thought I would start by giving you a list of eight things that piss me off:
8. Being hard-headed - This means refusing to acknowlege or accept that someone else has an opinion or view. Stubborn means I think I'm right - being hard-headed means that I won't even consider your view.
7. Whistling - what is more obnoxious than someone doing that to their face to make a stupid sound. Especially whistling in an elevator - maybe I like Muzak...so take the bus to shutty town - and avoid nasty wrinkles in the process.
6. Cutting your nails - the noise made by someone using nail clippers to clip their nails - URGH - so annoying.
5. Intentionally pushing someone's buttons - such a lack of respect. For instance, since you now know that nail clippers and whistling irritate me, doing it to push my buttons means you don't respect me.
4. Victim Mentality - people who think that things happen 'to them'. I believe behaviors are a choice. I choose to react - I choose the energy I put into this world - therefore I am responsible for what happens. Nothing happens to me - you make choices, therefore you are not a victim.
3. Superiority - someone thinking that they are better than someone else because of their income, their education, their skin color, their race, their gender or their title. We all have value and should treat each other as such. Period. Nothing sets me off faster than condescending behavior.
2. Defensive Behavior - if you did something or said something - own it. Trying to justify behavior, interrupting me or telling me what I should think will only piss me off more.
1. Wal-Mart - Is there anything worse than a company that lowers the standards of every community it goes into? And the people who shop there? You perpetuate the problems. Shopping at a place that pays low wages and no health insurance doesn't save you money. Your family, my family and other families are paying to subsidize every worker there who can't afford to go to a doctor so instead visits the emergency room and can't pay their bill. Don't make me list all the other stuff that Wal-Mart does to piss me off!
Wednesday, January 30, 2008
Row 15, You are ON NOTICE!
Check Out the Custom Notice!
Another game for the Silvertips - and a loss to a crappy team - and no one made the joke 'hey do you have Prince Albert in a can?'. But if you want true Tips reports - go to Tom and Leo's Blog - if you want to hear my rant - stay here....because I think God is punishing me.
Let me back up: first of all, to understand why I'm pissed, you need to know a couple of things about me...
1) I'm a preacher's kid - and I was raised to find the good in everyone - even if I have to look really really hard.
2) I'm a negotiator for a living - I negotiate contracts, grievances and disputes between employees and management, co-worker disputes and negotiate with large employers. I'm good, damn good at what I do.
3) I'm a bit of a Pollyanna - I truly treat everyone like I want to be treated. I forgive and forget easily. I don't hold grudges and I'm the Queen of giving everyone a second chance.
Now back to my rant...
Randy and I dutifully lined up at 5:00pm to get our Peter Mueller Bobblehead to complete the collection. Yeah, we're rookies and didn't know you could order the complete set. I get there to hold our place in line and who walks up right behind me? Yep - Mr. and Mrs. Foghorn Leghorn. Not so bad right? Except they lined up right after us for Mr. Potato Head Night too! Two times? God is definitely trying to get my attention. After enduring an hour of cold rain and their less than intelligent comments, we get into the building and into our seats.
It's like a reunion - Hockey Tom and Leo are back from Canada (although they didn't say much - guess what happens in Canada stays in Canada) and they are holding court. Lots of laughs with us in Section 119 - the reason I love going to the game. So the refs come out and our section naturally boo's them - we do it every game. Mrs. Foghorn proceeds to tell the 3rd graders in our audience to grow up...
Then comes the Canadian and National Anthem. The kids from Jackson Elementary Choir were adorable - is there anything better than those little voices? I know what's worse - Mr. Foghorn belting out his rendition of both anthems - drowning out the people who auditioned to do the job. But that's ok - here's where it gets ugly.
The refs missed a couple of blatant calls in the 2nd period - so blatant that Albie (along with most of our section) stood up and yelled 'Come On' to the refs. Mrs. Foghorn then bellows "Sit down and shut up" - like who the hell is she?
Mrs. Foghorn also took the opportunity to yell - yes yell - to another section 119er about not signing any divorce papers - really....is this something the whole section needs to know about?
But the straw that broke the camel's back - the icing on the cake - is when Mr. Foghorn got angry (I'm unclear if it was at the refs or a fan) and starting YELLING the F-Word. Thus solidifying in my mind the statement "Better to close your mouth and be thought a fool than open your mouth and prove it's true". My husband (the absolute nicest man in the world - no joke) turned around and said to them "hey - language". He's one of the calmest people I know so for him to do this means it was obnoxious (and he knows obnoxious -we've been married 12 years)!
Let me digress: I'm a Teamster and I can cuss with the best of 'em. I rarely, if ever, get offended. I've been told that I can make a sailor blush with my language - but part of my "Occasional Tourettes Syndrome" means knowing when and where to pull that trick out of the bag.
At the close of the game, my husband then turns around to say "hey, I didn't mean any offense, but that language is unacceptable with children present" - guess what Mr. Foghorn did? He turned his nose up and his face away. Unbelievable. What a class A jerk.
So, guess what row 15 - YOU ARE ON NOTICE. I am bringing 20 people to Laurakah who are new to the game. If you so much as look at them crossways, it's go time. You will not have my guests removed like you did before. You will not treat them with disrespect. YOU ARE ON NOTICE.
(Did you hear that? It's me stepping off my soapbox. Now let's beat the Kewlona Rockets tonight!)
Another game for the Silvertips - and a loss to a crappy team - and no one made the joke 'hey do you have Prince Albert in a can?'. But if you want true Tips reports - go to Tom and Leo's Blog - if you want to hear my rant - stay here....because I think God is punishing me.Let me back up: first of all, to understand why I'm pissed, you need to know a couple of things about me...
1) I'm a preacher's kid - and I was raised to find the good in everyone - even if I have to look really really hard.
2) I'm a negotiator for a living - I negotiate contracts, grievances and disputes between employees and management, co-worker disputes and negotiate with large employers. I'm good, damn good at what I do.
3) I'm a bit of a Pollyanna - I truly treat everyone like I want to be treated. I forgive and forget easily. I don't hold grudges and I'm the Queen of giving everyone a second chance.
Now back to my rant...
Randy and I dutifully lined up at 5:00pm to get our Peter Mueller Bobblehead to complete the collection. Yeah, we're rookies and didn't know you could order the complete set. I get there to hold our place in line and who walks up right behind me? Yep - Mr. and Mrs. Foghorn Leghorn. Not so bad right? Except they lined up right after us for Mr. Potato Head Night too! Two times? God is definitely trying to get my attention. After enduring an hour of cold rain and their less than intelligent comments, we get into the building and into our seats.
It's like a reunion - Hockey Tom and Leo are back from Canada (although they didn't say much - guess what happens in Canada stays in Canada) and they are holding court. Lots of laughs with us in Section 119 - the reason I love going to the game. So the refs come out and our section naturally boo's them - we do it every game. Mrs. Foghorn proceeds to tell the 3rd graders in our audience to grow up...
Then comes the Canadian and National Anthem. The kids from Jackson Elementary Choir were adorable - is there anything better than those little voices? I know what's worse - Mr. Foghorn belting out his rendition of both anthems - drowning out the people who auditioned to do the job. But that's ok - here's where it gets ugly.
The refs missed a couple of blatant calls in the 2nd period - so blatant that Albie (along with most of our section) stood up and yelled 'Come On' to the refs. Mrs. Foghorn then bellows "Sit down and shut up" - like who the hell is she?
Mrs. Foghorn also took the opportunity to yell - yes yell - to another section 119er about not signing any divorce papers - really....is this something the whole section needs to know about?
But the straw that broke the camel's back - the icing on the cake - is when Mr. Foghorn got angry (I'm unclear if it was at the refs or a fan) and starting YELLING the F-Word. Thus solidifying in my mind the statement "Better to close your mouth and be thought a fool than open your mouth and prove it's true". My husband (the absolute nicest man in the world - no joke) turned around and said to them "hey - language". He's one of the calmest people I know so for him to do this means it was obnoxious (and he knows obnoxious -we've been married 12 years)!
Let me digress: I'm a Teamster and I can cuss with the best of 'em. I rarely, if ever, get offended. I've been told that I can make a sailor blush with my language - but part of my "Occasional Tourettes Syndrome" means knowing when and where to pull that trick out of the bag.
At the close of the game, my husband then turns around to say "hey, I didn't mean any offense, but that language is unacceptable with children present" - guess what Mr. Foghorn did? He turned his nose up and his face away. Unbelievable. What a class A jerk.
So, guess what row 15 - YOU ARE ON NOTICE. I am bringing 20 people to Laurakah who are new to the game. If you so much as look at them crossways, it's go time. You will not have my guests removed like you did before. You will not treat them with disrespect. YOU ARE ON NOTICE.
(Did you hear that? It's me stepping off my soapbox. Now let's beat the Kewlona Rockets tonight!)
Sunday, January 27, 2008
T-Birds v. Silvertips Game Saturday, January 27
Saturday we went to the Key to see our beloved Silvertips take on the T-Birds. Have I mentioned how much I detest going to the Key?
First of all, paying to park pisses me off. Paying $20 to sit in that place pisses me off, but what really pisses me off? The seats. Who fits in those things, Twiggy? I actually took an elbow to the eye from the woman next to me taking off her coat. And where the hell are we supposed to put our drinks?
Secondly, I can't stand their fans. While us 119ers will heckle the team (and occasionally tell Seattle that their Mayor is fat), we don't attack the fans - probably because we pity them. At the Key, we sat behind a group of 20 something computer dorks who proceeded to get stupid drunk, chat Harty's name in sing song voices and stand up to cheer and forget to sit down. When we said "down in front", one guy actually flashed us the finger that matched his IQ.
Thirdly, what's with the guy who holds up the neon sign that says "Hey". Are you kidding? Like anyone doesn't know or can't figure out what the only lyric is to that song...and he doesn't even hold it up just at the 'hey' part - he holds it up the entire song. And the catchy lyrics the fans coined "Everett Sucks"...we suck? Your mascot wears a dress!
So, great first period - Tips came out looking awesome - no penalties and 2 goals! We were on a tear. This was it, Seattle was going down like the second rate team that they are.
Except we couldn't maintain - seriously, two short-handed goals? We gave them that game - and us fans had to sit there and listen to the Seattle fans rub it in our face. I can't give you the play by play because, well, I just don't know enough about the rules (yes, I call icing 'frosting').
The highlight of my night was seeing Vitaly Karamnov in a suit sitting in the audience - holy hottie, batman! He lost the mullet and is now adorable.
First of all, paying to park pisses me off. Paying $20 to sit in that place pisses me off, but what really pisses me off? The seats. Who fits in those things, Twiggy? I actually took an elbow to the eye from the woman next to me taking off her coat. And where the hell are we supposed to put our drinks?
Secondly, I can't stand their fans. While us 119ers will heckle the team (and occasionally tell Seattle that their Mayor is fat), we don't attack the fans - probably because we pity them. At the Key, we sat behind a group of 20 something computer dorks who proceeded to get stupid drunk, chat Harty's name in sing song voices and stand up to cheer and forget to sit down. When we said "down in front", one guy actually flashed us the finger that matched his IQ.
Thirdly, what's with the guy who holds up the neon sign that says "Hey". Are you kidding? Like anyone doesn't know or can't figure out what the only lyric is to that song...and he doesn't even hold it up just at the 'hey' part - he holds it up the entire song. And the catchy lyrics the fans coined "Everett Sucks"...we suck? Your mascot wears a dress!
So, great first period - Tips came out looking awesome - no penalties and 2 goals! We were on a tear. This was it, Seattle was going down like the second rate team that they are.
Except we couldn't maintain - seriously, two short-handed goals? We gave them that game - and us fans had to sit there and listen to the Seattle fans rub it in our face. I can't give you the play by play because, well, I just don't know enough about the rules (yes, I call icing 'frosting').
The highlight of my night was seeing Vitaly Karamnov in a suit sitting in the audience - holy hottie, batman! He lost the mullet and is now adorable.
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